5 Instrumental Items for Growth of Self and Your Small Business (Campus Level)

Flashback to this time one year ago…
Unfortunately, I suffer from selective amnesia and I can’t seem to intactly preserve my memories as well as most people I know. I have had hilarious encounters owing to this ‘defect’ but that is a story for another day.

So last year. Between balancing school, life, work and starting a business from scratch, I am unable to decide what takes the cup in terms of magnitude of achievement.
I have achieved so little so far because the plans and expectations I have for myself are so huge, but I am eternally grateful that I managed to get past the planning stage in most of those areas. The planning stage, anticipation stage, the getting ready to do stage, the procrastination stage. So comfortable, yet so detrimental, but again so so comfortable. Vicious chain of you ask me.

What to do?

This is a list of 5 key things that I think were very instrumental in my growth this past year

1. Start
Just start. I know this has been said literally over a thousand times and when things are said as often as this one line has, they start to make less and less sense over time. However, really, the only way to swim(or to learn to swim) is by first getting into the water.

2. Obsess.
I am all for just do it, just start, things will figure themselves out, etc. However, I am not a proponent for doing things without thinking them through, absolutely not. I suggest you obsess over details. Read widely, watch as much content as you can on the topic, ask questions, think, analyze, turn your topic inside out. Think through all those things that matter as far as that task goes, and all the things that matter to you, personally, in terms of values, compromises and expectations.
List all the pros and cons you can think of, the risks involved… Do a proper SWOT analysis of all your ideas, plans, fallback plans and yes, plan to fail. Anticipate to fail.

3. Decide Already
After planning and thinking and obsessing, it’s only fair to yourself that you put out all that good work, somehow. You don’t want to be stuck forever at the talking stage with the love of your life, I don’t see why you would then choose to not embrace your ideas and solidify them.

4. You’ve got a cushion!
This should have probably topped the list but, no worries. This goes two ways. One, as a student in the university, you have the advantage of being able to save and invest your pocket money without risking you being deprived of your basic needs. You have the liberty of asking for help from parents/ guardians from time to time and getting a little more than enough cash out of them, if you’re lucky. Not all the money that you get is to be used on luxuries. Unless of course, you decide it is. It is good, to once in a while spoil yourself, but it should be within your proper means and under control.

Two, in case you started and you’ve just hit rock bottom, or you feel you are fast approaching there, you can always ask for a boost from the parents; your parents don’t want to see you fail. One plus one. A subpart of this second point – when you’re past the initial stages, and you are doing quite well and you feel the need to expand, you can easily obtain assistance from your folks.
I know somebody is going to start wondering what in the world I am talking about, obtaining money from a tough talking Kenyan parent like that. Knowing very well you need a mixture of mathematics, at least 2 sciences, art, tears, mothertongue and lots of prayers to get a single coin out of our lovely African parents, I’m just saying it’s easier to get financial support now, more than ever. You will never be able to get your parents to give you money as much as they will/do while you’re in college. Think about it.

5. Legitness and your gut
They go hand in hand. Obviously, whatever you set out on should be legal, moral and legitimate. That goes without saying. Pyramid schemes= scam. Okay? Whatever shape or form it takes, I’m yet to see it hear of a pyramid scheme that is not a scam. Don’t be the one to test out this theory.

Find something that you like and enjoy, something reasonable, something legal. It cannot be that hard to get at least something, right?
When it comes to your gut, listen to yourself when you’re researching on and thinking or talking about this task of yours. I know we’re told trust your heart but take your mind with it, true, but do not underrate the importance of what your gut tells you.

Those 5 things are quite a bit of a concoction of ideas and lessons learnt from across all aspects of my life this past year, touching mostly on starting my small business.

Ultimately, discipline and hard work should be core principles for anyone in whatever field of engagement, who desires progress. Progress is success.

What are the things that have been instrumental in your growth this past year?

As it turns out, I wrote this all the way back in April 2020, but forgot/put off publishing it until now. Procrastination says better late than never, and I totally agree, (for now)!

Hashtag Becoming ❤️

This is my reaction to the Becoming documentary, based on the book Becoming by Michelle Obama.

My general feeling towards this story is… Well, satisfaction. This is a well told story. It is a beautiful story that is being narrated, yet manages to remain personal and real. The beauty transcends the outward and superficiality, it goes on deeper into souls, igniting sparks, sending chills, lighting fireworks. It is a spirited story. It is both alive and life-giving.

One thing that brings tears to my eyes is watching people discover themselves and what they want, and going on ahead to reach out to these things, budding, fighting, growing, achieving all they planned to, and exceeding their expectations. There’s something about a spirit being, and staying undefeated and unwavering that gives me chills. It’s beautiful. So bring in those happy tears, I’ll happily cry for this one.

So, faith. I hope you have faith in yourself and your instinct. In the institution of your soul to lead and guide you to what is meant for you.

Courage, to wander into the unknown to pursue all your dreams and all that gives you joy.

Passion, to keep doing what you do. Without giving up or complaining. To agree to possess power without forgetting the mission nor forsaking your roots.

And a love like this. Tenacious. A purposeful dedicated, driven love. A love that is both the foundation and has a foundation. A love that drives motivates, supports and fights for and for you. A partnership. A power.

I hope you learn. I hope you grow. I hope you get more comfortable saying no, and more courageous saying yes. I hope you become whatever you want to be.

Me? I am becoming a woman who is passionate, strong and dedicated to my life, the life of those around me and those I love and care about. I am committing to a life that is about building and enriching other lives.


A Tattoo

I wish I could get a tattoo. Somewhere on my arm right under the wrist where it is so pale, and the green veins are openly visible. I have dark skin, very dark skin, in my opinion. But this area under my wrist resisted all the melanocytes so it is pale and beautiful. It’s so pretty, one of my favorite parts of me.
So, a tattoo. That says something common but both deep and profound like ich liebe, or live and let live, or one of those semicolon ones that apparently should mean more than just punctuation. Or I could have it be a symbol. Like the Taurus bull, or, or.. the sign of my Cancer lover. Wouldn’t that be nice. Or my initials, or my mom’s initials. Or yet, something, again, meaningless. Because who fucking cares? And why the fuck not? For a second there I was about to defend myself and claim that I don’t normally curse, but that would only just serve to further prove a certain point.

I wish I could get a piercing. I have one pair of piercings, the old mainstream churchy earlobe piercing, which by the way, I only recently came to care for. I’ve wanted a tongue piercing for the longest time. Ahhh I just love the idea of it! It’s so adventurous and outgoing and nothing says fuck the world better than a tongue piercing. Everything you say has to go through that pierced tongue. It would be one hard task to love what you hear from a pierced mouth, if you don’t like what that mouth looks like. Oi, most of the time I don’t make sense. It’s mainly unintentional. But what if it weren’t? I will come to realize that I am a coward. It is blunt and crude, yes, but seriously, why I can’t imagine a life where I don’t wonder what people will say, what my family shall say, is beyond me. See, sometimes I wish I had a rebellious phase, maybe then I wouldn’t be scared of pissing people off. I’m almost thirty, and I realize that all my life I’ve been walking around adventure, trouble, fun, always played it safe, never scared my parents with that ridiculous teenagehood stubbornness and I have no idea why!
I wish I could just get a tattoo, and not care whether my mom stays up all night to pray for her daughter who is losing her way. I wish I didn’t care that if I pierced my bellybutton, my friends will say that I’m a whore. I wish I could get past the tough replies to ‘I want a tongue piercing, what do you think?’ and go well ahead to do it!

A Year In The Life

This year has been hard. This week has been crazy. This day has been hectic. It has been sad.


One moment.

How far are you from breaking point?

Put it into perspective. If you were placed on a cliff right at this moment, and offered no consequences, no questions, would you jump?

It’s not that bad, is it?

Is it?

It may be, but, wait.

Just one moment, I apologize. Think about it one more time.

There it is.

How does that feel? It feels like you want to scream. Do you want to scream?

Yes. Yes I do. I shall weep.

It is so. It is so. It is so.

But there is some relief that comes with mourning

When you scream and let it out… Trying to let it go

A broken heart

An old wound that never healed

A difficult lover

A troubled conscience

Some therapy through release of intense emotion. A medication of self, just don’t you dare prevent the pain. You want to feel it, and feel it as it leaves your body.

I don’t promise you that this is the last time you cry about this one thing.

Don’t be strong.

Lose your mind. Cry your eyes out. Shout your voice hoarse, throat sore. Scream your lungs bloody.

Binge, indulge, sink.

So what?

There is release!

Would You Fix?

I will fix you

I don’t know

I do not know what you’re ailing from

I do not know how you feel.

I cannot even begin to imagine what kind of struggles you have been going through.

But I know

I know that…

… some days you’re numb. And that during the rest of them, you’re hurting so much and seemingly without release.

…the people you’ve loved have ruined you, and you have ruined those that loved you

…the things you hoped you would never have to struggle with have now become integral ingredients of your existence and that now, you’re living out your nightmares.

…it is unimaginable that you could forgive yourself and be happy.

… sometimes you about think a lot of things in such a short time that your head spins; other times you go hours, even days without feeling like you came up with any solid ideas at all.

…you don’t know why you’re where you are

…countless times, you have imagined what life for the people you love would be like with your absence, and it looked surprisingly appealing

…you regret so so many things that were both within and out of your control

I know.

I know that it has never been harder.

I know now that your faith is always being tested..

That your will to fight is almost nil

This breaks my heart more than you could ever imagine

But I Will Fix You.

With every little poem

Every little song

Every little book

Every little whisper

Every little kiss

I will plant them in your heart.

One by one

Train your mind to listen to your gut

It does not matter that you’re shattered, that you are more than simply broken.

If it’s two, or ten or a thousand pieces.

If you don’t think you’re fixable.

I will pick them all up

Until all of you sees, knows and believes how beautiful you are

Little by little, my love.

For Positive, for Posterity

We are fighting hard to stay happy.

We are going to be awake through it all.

All of it.

We shall not edit out a single detail.

We are going to live through it all.

All of it. Every single bit of it.

So that when you ask, ‘What about that time, when you said you couldn’t sleep?’, we would tell you about that day.

How exhausted we were. How tired our hearts were, of pumping blood to our jaded limbs that didn’t even want to be limbs anymore.

The fact that our lungs incessantly complained about pain. They said,’ No more. It hurts to breathe’. With every breath we took in and out. Yes. ‘Oh,’ we shall remember. How every breath felt like the last one. How we wished it was the last one. ‘It was so so painful.’

How glorious!

Yes, I know all we ever said was that we couldn’t sleep. Or couldn’t eat, or couldn’t go to work.

…but at that moment, when all of this is behind us, oh we shall speak!

We will narrate tales of how hard we fought to stay happy, even when we weren’t.

We will tell you that we never, at any moment, decided to anesthetize our souls. Or numb our spirits.

We will explain, to the detail, how alive we were when we were fighting for freedom.

How we felt each and every storm. As it came, as it endured, as it passed.

I promise you, we shall tell you!

Now, though. Let us fight. Let me fight!

She is Indifferent

MOOD: Indifferent
She is very unbothered by whatever is happening around her

Or she just doesn’t care to admit that there are certain things that are troubling her

Her train of thought races then suddenly stops

Now she’s deep into creating equations she hopes to make sense out of

People say these things come in a lifetime, I think they might be wrong

Some people never get a chance to feel that way
Some people get to experience it multiple times in their lifetime

She does not mind, however. This is not the first time she is unhappy, but it is the first time she is unhappy and okay with it.

She won’t even try to change it, she confesses, but today’s vodka is very bitter! So she will take the wine instead.

Little Pieces

I want to sit down with all those people who ever liked me and allowed themselves to fall for me because they thought I was pretty or ‘hot’.

I want to tell them, and to show them just how full of imperfections I am.
I want them to see that, that ideal perfection which they imagine they missed out on, was a very very very little piece of me… And that I am, in fact, so mostly imperfection, that my elegance is practically imperceptible.

I want to see the look on their faces when they discover that my pretty lips do more than just pout or give the most passionate of kisses. The horror when they discover that I have opinions, the kind to be voiced too!

I long to taste their disappointment when they realize that my soft fingers, however long and frail looking, know the meaning of hard work and despite the soft touching and caressing, do not need the mercy of their dimes to keep up and stay true to their power.

I yearn for them to look at me in the face, this time not for intent of a romantic or sensual moment. No. I want them to see the tears. Arranged chronologically, moving like PowerPoint slides. I want them to experience the duration, the frequency and the intensity. The temperature. The mood. The entire atmosphere of all those emotional moments. How shocking it must be to realize that beyond all the make up is an actual person, a strong person with powerful emotions and a heart that is bound to be broken!

I want them to see my bosom, and feel my chest. This time, not for the thrill or during the throes of passion. I want them to experience how many times I have been a pillar to a soul, a crying shoulder for another person and a home. How unbelievable it should be for one of their kind to come to terms with the fact that this bosom, with all its softness and smoothness, does more than just pleasing their hungry and ravenous male eyes!

I want them to know and believe that my beautiful hips that gyrate so erratically on the dance floor have also been the ones to sway so gracefully as I walked away from the worst of relationships and situations.

You like my long legs and smooth, clean shaven skin?

You see how my eyes light up whenever I talk about something I’m passionate about?

You see how I let you cut me mid sentence and I don’t seem to mind?

I want them to know that I have been hurt, by people, and my expectations…

That I have hurt people…

That my heart is always beating and that it is always full

And if they only want to have me because of how I look, or how I smile, or how I walk, or talk, or dance, they got a whole other thing coming.

I am way too imperfect to be a tool.

Roubles but without the T

I am watching Pirates of The Caribbean (that very old one from, I think the year, 2003. I was five years old then. HA!) for the first time.
I am also angry because I have a boyfriend who doesn’t care about me well enough (I have to summarize. I am disappointed) and I have said I am done close to a million times but then…

I don’t know.

I find that I say this a lot. Sometimes, I really actually do not know. This is one of those times.

I’m contemplating on ghosting for a few weeks or months, until I’m sure there’s nothing to go back to… Perhaps take on a new adventure (perhaps a new catch?) Anything to feel alive again. Like I actually matter, you know?

You should know, I am a huge anti-toxic relationships ambassador. I have done rigorous research and read on and on about how to identify, avoid and overcome unfulfilling relationships.

So, I know those things that are right. I know what I am supposed to do when I feel a certain way or when the partner acts or feels a certain way. Only they’re very hard to initiate and set going when the person on both ends of the conversation is myself.

Wherever strength to move on comes from, lead me to that source.

The picture is a goat I encountered a few days ago on a farm and is unrelated to my topic of discussion. I just thought he’s cute!

What’s worse than a cheating partner?

I’m not worried that he is cheating. Actually, he better be cheating than have forgotten about me. He better be dying or dead. His phone better be lost. All his fingers better be broken. He better be swimming in an ocean or river right now trying to save his life. He better be doing practically every other thing in the world. But to forget that I exist? That is unforgivable.